First-Time Father At Fifty-Something - Part 1.

I have recently become a first time father at quite an advanced age, well into my fifties. I am not usually the kind of person who shares personal information in such a public way. I started a website a few years ago as a way to give widespread access to my poetry and historical writing, not details of my private life. I do think however, that somewhere out there in the blogosphere there might be other mature age fathers who might enjoy finding out that they are not alone, and may want to compare their experiences with mine.

So why did I leave it so long before trying my hand at fatherhood? As a teenager I always thought that I would have a fairly conventional life. I would have a career, probably in a white collar environment, a wife, children and a house in the suburbs with a white picket fence. What changed all of that was the Vietnam War.

I came home from Vietnam as a 20 year old, and all of a sudden I found that I had become determined to take the road less travelled. I wanted to be different. I wanted to challenge the conventions that I had always taken for granted. What I did not realise is that I was already suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), and that this condition had started to drive my thought processes.

I became the kind of person who would leave a job as a bank teller to be a male model. Or leave a job as a sales rep to be a stunt man. Or leave a job as a computer programmer to do a stint on an offshore oil rig. Or leave a job as a public servant to be a private investigator. And yes, I have done all of those things, and many more. I had more than 40 jobs in the first 20 years after leaving the army.

During that time I had no desire whatsoever to be a father. I had medium to long term relationships with some terrific women, some of which may well have resulted in marriage if my mind had been working in a different way. My unwillingness to commit to a future that involved stability and family undoubtedly contributed to the end of those relationships.

Then, when I was in my early forties, I was at last diagnosed as having PTSD. The Department of Veterans Affairs put me straight on to the highest level of disability pension, and I started getting help from the Vietnam Veterans Counselling service. Gradually my thought processes started to mellow.

It was shortly after I was granted the pension that I met the woman who is now the mother of my son. We met at university, and there was a 24 year age difference. She completed a PhD, had her first book published, and started a job in the public service, in which she rose to executive level in her early thirties. It was time for us to become a family.

I will continue this story shortly, in First Time Father At Fifty-Something - Part 2.